Thursday, December 15, 2005

Sex in the L City

Aaaah, the days of "Sex and the City" parties, college students huddled around eye-straining televisions, horrible cosmopolitans made by the girl who had the motivation to look up the mixture on the internet, and trivial conversations about Carrie's latest boyfriend masquerading as intellectual discussion. The ways in which we forced a relationship to five women who, in real life, we would likely NOT be friends with, nor have anything in common with. Nonetheless, we continued to watch, and continued to discuss as the show approached it's conclusion--it's shitty, anticlimactic, contradictory to everything the show was founded on and stood for, conclusion. Calm down, don't get upset. I'm not saying Sex in the City was a bad show. On the contrary, actually. The show was so good for so long, that when it started to take a turn for the worse, when the writers were running out of good story ideas, brought Mr. Big back just to spice things up, and the literary tie-ins to Carrie's column became less and less profound, we still watched. The characters were so well developed, and became a part of our own lives, we just HAD to find out what happened to them. A great show, geared towards women, but addicting men as well, Sex in the City left HBO to exist in perpetuity in syndication. Did it actually leave? Or...did it just move to another network? No, I'm not an idiot. I know Sarah Jessica Parker has moved on to bigger and better things--The Family Stone being the only significant development--and that Sex in the City is no longer in production. BUT...about ten channels higher on my digital cable channel guide you'll find Showtime. Despite it's history as the late night lusty capital of television, Showtime seems to be turning things around and has successfully filled the Sex in the City void--for me anyways.

At this point, I've probably confused quite a few of you. "Sex in the City isn't on Showtime," you say, and yes, oh wise one, you would be correct. BUT--The L Word IS on Showtime. I don't know if I'm speaking to an unknowing audience, or an audience of people like me--people who have seen the show and love it. Do you want to venture a guess as to why I don't know whether or not you've seen The L Word? Probably for the same reason no one has L Word parties with cosmopolitans (or Planet coffee), intellectual discussions about Bette and Tina's reunion, Marina's sudden and unexplained dive off the deep end, or even Jenny's journey of self discovery and borderline psychotic behavior--the show carries with it an inherent social stigma that does not lend itself to discussion. No I'm not saying it's BAD to be gay. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But for those of us who are not gay (all previous accusations of banging the RA now discredited) fear that mentioning the show with their straight friends (or gay ones too) will confuse them if they haven't seen the show. Where Queer as Folk, and Queer Eye For The Straight Guy lure everyone and their mother, for some reason a drama with the same underlying sexual preferences doesn't seem to lend itself to a mass audience--or does it? Since the show's first season, funding from Showtime Networks has more than doubled. The independent feel, and less than flashy look of the first season was replaced by a high priced, slick opening with original music. The lead actresses made more money, and additional, high priced guest stars were added to the roster. So SOMEONE must be watching. Obviously, lesbians can bond over this amazing show, sitting in their living rooms drinking cosmopolitans discussing Alice's strap-on fetish, but the rest of us? I've come to the conclusion that everyone else, much like myself, is sitting in their dark living room, alone, with their fingers grasping the remote just waiting for the next new episode to begin. Phone calls (if answered) with the obligatory question "what are you doing," are never answered truthfully, and talk at work the next day of great shows seen on TV the previous evening never recognize poor Jennifer Beals after her switch from a hot dancer to life partner of Tina. You know what I've decided? Boo to that shit. Although Flashdance was--well, Flashdance...I respect Beals far more for her comeback, especially with this role in The L Word. I'm confident in my sexuality. So--I will no longer let social pressures dictate any and all future mentionings of The L Word. Watch it and learn it. And if you don't? Boo to that shit too.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Christmas...? (cont'd)

As an addition to my very first post--Aside from the massive ball-shaped Christmas tree ornaments, the garland, the lights, the candycanes, and other manner of Christmas overload, I was just informed that it also fucking "snows" at The Grove on weekends. Right. What more do I need to prove that some higher power is just fucking with us... Double thumbs down to fake, soap-like fleks of snow at The Grove...or anywhere else for that matter.

Anything-but-3...D


Have you ever really thought about 3D glasses? Like REALLY thought about it? Boo to goggles with one red lens and one blue lens that really don't do anything except succeed at making you look like you legitimately ride the short bus every day.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Po Po bullshit

Remember that time the Sox won the series? I do--and that was hot. But this?


Boo to riot gear ruining the fun.

Airline madness

Is anyone else perplexed by the supposedly rational and sane methods with which the airlines assign pricing--that same rational and sane methodology that is actually totally and completely arbitrary and designed to rape as many people as possible?!? Boo to ass raping, I say! Why the fuck is it $100 CHEAPER for me to leave ONE DAY later, both days mid week? Because of course, I CAN'T leave one day later, and the airlines, behind their shroud of innocence, somehow KNOW that I can't leave one day later and just want to taunt me with a cheaper ticket and laugh as I don't purchase it. Boo to that shit.

Geography Lesson

Look at the top of this page...that statue with the man on the horse? That's in Boston. Now look at the subway map beside it. That's NOT the Boston subway. This template, although amazingly hot--boo. I just thought I should clear that up.

Christmas...?

Beautiful, sunny, temperate Los Angeles, California--Center to the entertainment industry, sprawling metropolis, home to many a celebrity, and my new stomping grounds. Park LaBrea with its diligent grounds crew, overflowing fountains, and majestic palm trees. The Hollywood hills as they appear today, crisp and clear and glowing in the Southern California sunlight after an evening rain. The shades in my office swaying back and forth from the breeze coming in through my open window and the salty ocean smell that wafts in with it. Opening my sun roof on the way to work as I drive past the Palazzo, new home to "LC" from Laguna Beach. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! Not that I don't enjoy sending evil text messages to my counterparts in New England with photos of the beach, me in a t-shirt, or my view of the Hollywood sign with a comment something like "75 and sunny," but come ON! It's December here people. All this beauty has left me in a state of confusion about the holiday season in general. It's no wonder I couldn't force myself to buy my ticket to go visit family for the HOLIDAYS until a week and a half ago...It's 75 and sunny...and most decidedly NOT Christmas. Has anyone else witnessed the palm trees decorated with Christmas lights? PALM TREES! Or that strange feeling that you've crossed into a parallel universe when you go to The Grove and are emersed in Christmas trees, white lights, garland, those really big ass ball shaped ornaments, elves, Holiday signage in all the stores, and holiday sales?! It's that feeling that has prevented me from going shopping at all--for any reason. Whether it be toilet paper, cleaning supplies, food, or God forbid, a Christmas present, I just can't get past the feeling that some secret puppetmaster is playing a huge joke on me. Either that or I'm the main character in some ridiculous video game--that he's probably playing on his damn cell phone--trying to get at the heart of the Christmas spirit. I can just imagine him, sitting there laughing... "I'll just put up a bunch of tacky decorations, make these retail establishments mark down some prices, start selling pine trees, and THEN these stupid LA people will think it's Christmas." Well puppetmaster--you can't fool me. It's 75 and sunny. Christmas in Los Angeles? Boo to that shit.